


Musings of A Waldorfian Nature

by GeeGee (LillithEvans)



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Also slow born - like SLOW, Canon, F/M, Literally just me waxing poetic on every small scene Dair have together, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-22 17:23:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17666864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillithEvans/pseuds/GeeGee
Summary: For as long as she can remember, Blair’s felt like she was on the outside of the magic that embraced Serena.So instead she does her best to stand above everyone else, still on the outside but at least ruling as Queen of Manhattan - a position Serena has always chosen to run away from.What she doesn’t expect to see is Dan Humphrey, from Brooklyn, scrambling and crawling his way up, level by level, until he’s sitting beside her at the top of the Met steps like he’s always been King.A.K.A - The Canon-Friendly AUish Dair Drabble Collection only I asked for





	1. Kiss on the Lips

 

For as long as Blair Waldorf’s perfect memory can remember, she has wanted Nathaniel Fitzwilliam Archibald to be hers.

 

It started in the early years of their prep career. He, a tender straw haired boy of 5, threw a used tissue at her head during reading hours. She, a less distracted sort of child, turned to yell at him for being as useless as he looked.

 

What she didn’t count for as a small little idiot herself was that Nate’s eyes are that wonderful shade of blue, unassuming and easy to drown in. Just like that forgiveness bled out of her like it wasn’t a commodity she kept guarded and by her chest like gold.

 

One, two, three, four years later - she holds his hand as they leave school. His cheeks colour pink and hers colour red. His mother says something about how adorable they look. Her mother’s a little traumatized but lets the comment wash off their backs because the Archibalds are important and the Waldorfs, although respectable, have been known to have too many secrets in their closet lately.

 

One, two, three years after that she kisses him for the first time on a whim when Chuck instigates Serena to make a move on Nate during a game of Spin the Bottle and from then on - that’s it. They become Nate and Blair, the combination of names starts to stand for the very worst and best of the parents that raised them.

 

Years have passed since and she tells herself it’s fine. She, like most of Manhattan, never stood a chance against that bright boyish grin of his anyways.

 

She’d like to imagine it’s Nate’s fault that they’re in this position today. He’s the one who didn’t disagree. He’s the one who never pushed her away. 

  
  
But she knows better.

 

It’s not Nate’s fault they’re here. It’s her fault. She’s always known Nate better than Nate ever knew her and she’s used that knowledge for her own gain. Nate likes to take life easy, adores things that land in his lap without him asking for it and Blair knows she’s not the best of actresses but easy for the role of Nate’s Queen is something she can play.

 

If she thinks back to the way things played out - she never really gave Serena a chance to ask for Nate first. Serena, who is something like a fantasy out of a book, beautiful enough to write poems about, approachable and kind, wild and driven. A veritable muse walking all by her lonesome inspiring countless desires all around her.

 

It’s Blair’s own fault. Nate’s cheeks coloured pink and Blair is the one who sold her loyalty to him, but a flush at 9 has not ever meant that Nate, like the rest of the male population of Manhattan, has suddenly found himself immune to the sirenly wiles of her best friend.   
  
  
That probably wasn’t very fair of her. Nate and Serena also stand for something - friendship. Even all those years ago, Serena and Nate would crack up in laughs under the latent rays of sun pouring over the courtyard, they’d throw golden kernels of popcorn into each other’s yellow hair and mock her when she started to grow sour when no one felt like watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the umpteenth time that summer.

 

Once in a while, they’d look at each other like there was the mildest desire for more.

  
  
So she moved first. She’d never really gotten her way against Serena playing nice and asking. Things have only ever come to her when she acts fast before someone regrets saying no to her. 

 

When they were younger, she didn’t think it would matter. Serena would come around. Serena would have to come around. She couldn’t lose them after all - and at the end of the day wasn’t it Serena who told her the same thing over and over again? That only her happiness mattered?

 

But once in a while Blair would catch the flare of something in Serena’s eyes. Part destructive, part lonely -all lost and she would wonder if she made a mistake by moving first without asking. 

 

“But that was it? You guys kissed?”

 

And now here they are, sitting in a bedroom, where her breasts are in his face and she’s crying and he’s speaking to her like she’s the worst thing to ever happen to him.

 

Nate doesn’t look at her, not really.

 

If she’s being honest with herself Nate hasn’t really looked at her in months.

 

Now she knows, she did the right thing. If she never moved first, she’s sure now that she’d never have gotten Nate at all. At least now they still have a fighting chance.

 

He starts talking, his lips sound out something that’s supposed to sound like an apology and she should be listening to it.  At least, he’s sorry. That must mean he cares at least a little for her.

 

But the thundering of her heart has taken the place of his voice in her mind to safeguard her from whatever terror is coming out of his lips.

 

Unwillingly, Serena’s smiling face floats to the forefront of her mind, Nate’s does too, and before she knows it her mind’s drawn up horrificly painted versions of the two smiles fused together, shifting, curling, twisting as gold hair fans over golder shoulders and -

 

She can’t breathe.  “Blair -“

 

Nate’s reaching for her and she pushes his hand off her skin because how can he even think of touching her right now? How can he ever - “I knew it! I always knew there was something there - get out.”

 

Nate leaves.

 

She marvels in tears at how easy it is to get Nate to leave her. Why does everything have to be so easy with him?

 

She finds herself questioning if it was that easy for Nathaniel Fitzwilliam Archibald to forget that he was supposed to be in love with her?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Serena shows up to the ‘Kiss on the Lips’ party - uninvited - because really they’re the ones who should be thankful that she’s here at all, awarding them with the sheer grace of her presence. 

 

A Blair-induced exile has about as much worth to Serena as the food in Blair’s own stomach.

 

It doesn’t take much for her to clutch at Nate’s shoulders and whip him to face her, accusation clears on her face. “Did you invite her?”

 

“I was going for a walk.” Nate sounds exhausted. He also sounds bored and like he’s tired of her and isn’t that a novel fucking thought because if she’s the source of his agony - the obstacle between him and the trophy wife of his dreams - then why hasn’t he walked away from her yet?

 

She watches Nate stare after Serena, she watches Serena stare after Nate and when she’s sick of it she turns back around to stalk off to the washroom with at least the mild inspiration from the two of them to throw her guts up.

 

She’s Blair Waldorf. He’s only Nate Archibald.

 

She could walk away.

 

So, why hasn’t she? Why is she such a sucker for pain? What is it about her that never lets her mind believe that she’ll be anything but second to her best friend?

 

 

If not Nate, then surely someone will -

 

Knock right into her and ruin her march to battle with herself.

 

Spinning on her heel, she turns to the stranger who intruded her personal space with a growl in her throat, already plotting the million and one ways she can ruin this person’s life when she realizes that she needs a name to do that and this boy is so curiously out of place that a name is escaping her. 

 

She considers herself something of an expert at people and this boy is staring at her dumbly like he can’t believe he’s managed to snatch her attention for a moment. It’s somewhat flattering and understandable considering the state of the faded cut lines on his hair, the shambles of dark tinted clothing and everything reeking from his decidedly not upper class manner of movement.

 

No one on the Upper East Side shuffles like a penguin.

 

He doesn’t belong.

 

A twinge resounds in her heart, reminding her that this boy is nothing more than a cruel apparition of the feeling of otherness she feels clawing away at the inside of her own gut at the reminder of the wistful expression on Serena’s face as Nate walked away from her.

 

She needs an outlet. He’ll do. “Excuse me. The kitchen - is that way.” She knocks one of her shoulders right into his and he stares after her starstruck or dumbstruck or struck silent but regardless she waves a hand towards the back of the eerily lit room. “The staff’s been looking to take the trash out all night...and I’ll allow you the dignity of seeing yourself out.”

 

Whatever mild admiration he’d had on his face for her face dissipates into thin air as easily as it had come on and she feels her skin itch. Bite fool, she urges in her mind, bite back so I can fight back and rip into you in front of everyone and reaffirm my strength in front of the audience who’s starting to dwindle.

 

Instead, the outsider keeps his lips glued shut, shakes his head and walks off in the other direction with a disappointed sort of harrumph leaving his lips.

 

She looks back to her drink, still surprisingly full, and knocks it straight back into her throat.

 

She’s certainly not going to care about the biased opinions of some bald looking fool.

 

But really - when did people get so fucking boring?

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

“What are you looking at?” Kati hums into her ears and she shrugs, mouth set into an unamused smile as she keeps her gaze on the stairs. Serena shoved her way upstairs a few moments ago and what goes up must come down and she’s going to make sure that tonight there’s a blond bitch kissing the ground she walks on. “Is that Serena?”

 

“And who’s with her?!” Isabel whispers this like it’s a conspiracy and she almost demotes them right then and there before collecting herself and whacking a weak hand at both their arms for being so noisy.

 

She almost - almost - doesn’t notice whose hand finds its way into Serena’s.

 

It’s him. That outsider. The one who didn’t bite.

 

A knight in shining armour - how adorable.

 

Blair scoffs, catching sight of the look of pride Serena smugly sends her way before she dashes right past her with her white knight.

 

She wonders offhandedly if she should tell him a little more about her best friend - just so he’s fully prepared for the reality that is Serena van der Woodsen.

 

Not that any warning would truly prepare one for Serena’s a force of nature. 

 

Without a care for her minions, she barges right out towards the door, aware that somewhere in the midst of that held hand is Little J, her newest recruit, being snatched away and right into Serena’s outstretched hands. 

 

Only for so long Serena...only for so long. 

 

Before the cab drives away, she catches sight of the smile on the outsider’s face. He looks overjoyed, elated, and why wouldn’t he be?

 

He saved Serena van der Woodsen and with that one action, he’s managed to earn himself a small little footnote in her story. Blair pledges to learn his name before school on Monday because she’d like to know how to say it just so when she delivers the sentence that will undoubtedly ruin his life. 

 

The cab drives away and behind it, at the back wall of an alley staring after the car like it has every thing he’s ever held dear to himself, is her boyfriend. 

 

Part of her feels like crying...mostly for herself. "She better not show her face again.”

 

Chuck’s breath lands at her back, warm and teased. “I’m actually hoping she will.”

 

Nate looks at the bottom of his green bottle of cheap beer and drowns his sorrows a little bit more.

 

Chuck disappears to do whatever it is Chuck would like to do.

 

And for one disgustingly horrible moment, all she can think about is how much she doesn’t really want Nathaniel Fitzwilliam Archibald to be hers anymore.


	2. What's Brunch Without A Meltdown?

 

Of all the places to bring her newest discovery from the garbage bin - Blair did not expect Serena to bring that boy here.

 

And even with someone to keep her attention well off Nate - lo and behold Serena van der Woodsen is here, waiting in Chuck’s suite for Nate.

 

How does Serena get there first? How does she get anywhere first before Blair even has a prayer of an idea of where it is that she's supposed to be? “I’ll bet your new friend Dan would love to hear all about how classy you are.”

 

“Dan?” Serena’s mumbling like she doesn’t even know the name of the boy she’s decided to string along. If Blair cared about Dan, which she doesn’t, she’d be offended on his behalf. 

 

Not that Serena can be blamed. 

 

‘Dan' is a regular sort of name. Just about as mundane as his clothing, pale washed out skin and that lack of a trust fund that has him walking around with starry eyed dreams that he holds dear to beady black eyes. That sort of expression doesn’t come by easy this side of the river.

 

She did just learn that he’s little J’s big brother - maybe with the knowledge that Serena isn’t the princess in hiding he thought she was -maybe just maybe Blair will have a chance of ruining what Serena may have before she even gets the chance to fall in love. 

 

She’d feel guilty about her plans...but Dan and Serena have only been together for one night.

 

She’s been together with Nate for years and that certainly didn’t stop Serena from wrecking her relationship forever did it?

 

Thankfully, tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber are a little slow and she manages to make her way back to the marbled lobby of the Palace before either of the traitors she's in love with and, right on schedule, 'Dan' walks straight into her path. 

 

 

“Dan?” He turns to look at her, very confused as to why her hand is being shoved into his which is a reasonable reaction for him to have considering under normal circumstances she wouldn’t be caught dead talking to someone who wears _that_ to a Bart Bass brunch. “Hi, I’m Blair Waldorf, Serena’s friend.”

 

“Oh, hey.” It’s an off handed greeting because he is not stupid. He knows who she is. She knows he knows who she is. His career of relevance to their UES scene is starting now but hers? It's been on broadcast for years. “Do you happen to know where she is?”

 

“As a matter of fact,” She’d be offended that he’s wiping the hand that shook hers against the back of his pants (like she can’t see - honestly who is he kidding?) but she has little time for 'Dan's' idiosyncrasies. “I do.”

 

“Blair,” Serena’s rushed over here, out of breath, gorgeous and pink-cheeked like a cherub goddess like that isn't the most oxymoronic thing Blair's ever thought.

 

Serena's eyes glance back and forth between Dan’s relieved expression and her unimpressed one. Serena tries then to take her exhausted gaze to meet hers and Blair considers giving in for a second. Maybe she can be the bigger person. Serena is someone who has hurt her more than words can say but that doesn't change that a part of her is in love with Serena just like the two boys beside them.

 

And she has always loved the idea of being the martyr - 

 

“Serena, where were you?” But then Dan Humphrey has to go say that like it’s not a big deal that Serena’s come running down here with an increasingly guilty looking Nate Archibald by her side.  

 

“She was waiting in a hotel room.”  At her words, Dan turns to look at her even more confused now than he was when she was introducing herself to him. God, how inept is he? Can’t he put two and two together? Does he need her to spell out the sacrifice Serena and Nate would like them to make while they get their freak on? “For my boyfriend.”

 

“To talk.” Serena starts -

 

And Nate finishes. “About why we weren’t talking.”

 

“Doesn’t sound any smarter the second time.” She smiles to herself when Nate growls in her direction. Honestly, what is he growling about  - he's not the one who's getting cheated on? 

 

She looks back to Dan with one raised eyebrow. Does he have all the puzzle pieces he needs now? 

 

Dan shuts his eyes tight, like he has a headache and Blair can't help but feel a small sense of camaraderie with the Brooklyn boy. The only reason she's here standing beside him is because she also has a headache - a massive two person, blond tinted headache.

 

“Why weren’t you talking?” Dan is a little more forgiving than she is. Instead of walking away, he becomes ever the inquisitive investigator...she's underestimated his thirst for knowledge. She looks at Serena or Nate, waiting for them to volunteer the information that the two of them come from a species of sub-par human beings but of course - surprise surprise - neither of them wants to speak up. “Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?”

 

Wait what - why is he saying that to Nate?  “You were what?” She hisses at Nate and with the guilty look he throws her way it's all but confirmed.

 

At this point, is she even surprised? Of course Nate wouldn’t do what she asked him to do.

 

“And, here I thought you were waiting for me.” Chuck invites himself into their conversation. A very bad idea considering Dan Humphrey has at least one talent that she knows of and it appears to be punching Bass men when they're in the wrong - which Chuck kind of always is. It's part of his character.

 

He thinks it makes him cool - to her it kind of makes him an icky presence to be kept around to do her dirty work. 

 

“Oh, exactly what this situation needs. Chuck." What do you know? Dan Humphrey has a talent for sarcasm. “Now, what is going on here?” 

 

Dan turns, in his bewilderment, to her and she feels her mouth stretch wide, pretty and pink. She hopes that smile will make her words a little more believable to the antagonized gaze of Dan who looks like he wants nothing to do with any of them. “We were just getting to that-“

 

“Blair, please, don’t do this.” Serena’s tone is even more desperate now and she's asking in as many words as she can for them to avoid the nonsensical mess Blair's about to create. They’re better than this. Or at least, they’re supposed to be better than this.

 

Blair’s not buying it.

 

All Serena’s ever done is nonsense. It doesn’t matter if Serena's trying to turn a new leaf now because guess what - no one’s buying that Serena van der Woodsen is a changed person. A changed person responds to calls, letters, emails, messages written by airplanes out over Connecticut (she’d only called in for an estimate on the first day of her period, going through with it on the second day had felt a little too aggressive a way to get her best friend to reach out to her).

 

All she can afford Serena, in the name of their friendship, is the dignity to end her relationship on her own terms. “Sorry, did you want to tell him?” 

 

She's not a total monster after all. 

 

Chuck is though.  “I’ll tell him.” The Bass heir looks a little too happy to dash Dan's dreams to the ground in a fashion Blair can only imagine to be similar to what Dan did to him the night before. 

 

“You know?” She says at the same time as Nate.

 

“I know everything.”  Chuck smirks and shrugs with the air of a proud soccer mom as he looks at Serena’s increasingly panicked expression.

 

“And apparently I know nothing.” Dan’s smiling but it’s not a nice smile, it’s not even an understanding smile - it’s bitter and cruel and rightfully irritated.

 

“Look Dan, it was a long time ago - and I - I regret it.”

 

“Look,” Chuck interrupts Serena's rant. She keeps her gaze on Dan. This conversation they're all having has the makings of a very fine car accident and she can't bear the thought of looking away from him. The more she looks, the more she realizes there's something strangely imposing about Dan Humphrey's face, his cheeks are cut fine like a sculpture and his jaw's tense like hardship has hardened his face through the years in a way she's not used to seeing. Still, his eyes remain the same - starry eyed and optimistic despite where these words they're exchanging are netting out. “Serena, stop trying to pretend you’re a good girl. So you slept with your best friend’s boyfriend. I kind of admire you for it.”

 

With every passing word, Serena looks more and more horrified which makes Blair wonder - how did Serena think people were going to react to that? With champagne bottles popping open in celebration?

 

She only feels a little bad when Serena looks so ashamed that she can’t even bring her face up from the floor to look at any of them until Dan’s voice is functional again. “Is that true?”

 

Another pregnant pause. Except this time Blair doesn't feel obliged to let this conversation shape out naturally between the two of them - Dan and Serena's destruction will require her active participation. “Well, then she ran away. And lied about it. I just thought you should know. Before you fall head over heels for your perfect girl in her perfect world and get left all alone with no one but your Cabbage Patch kid.”

 

“Cabbage Patch?” She turns to turn her withering glare on her boyfriend who has no sense of propriety or understanding of what elements of that little speech he should be taking away with him.

 

“Did you - talk to my sister?” Dan is apparently just like Nate. Another mini surprise.

 

Although maybe not so much - maybe that’s Serena’s type.

 

“Ah, yes, little Jenny.” There’s something that puffs in Dan’s chest when Chuck starts talking about his sister. It’s a little admirable. She’s never quite understood the relationship people have with their siblings. She's been an only child all her life - but she supposes with the way things with her father and mother have turned out she should be thankful she was born at all. “I do believe she and I have some unfinished business.”

 

Dan looks like he’s about to give Chuck a matching set for that black eye he's sporting. “You stay away from her.”

 

“Poor Daniel.” Blair wonders for a second if Chuck feels just as attracted to Dan as he does his little sister. On the odd occasion, Chuck’s been known to venture in with siblings...“So little time, so many sluts to defend.”

 

Dan’s hands reach for Chuck’s jacket and shove him backwards until their hotel heir stumbles right into a passing waitress.

 

 

She’s surprised. 

 

At least, until Dan disappoints her by addressing his earned audience. “It’s fine, it’s fine. Everyone can stop looking - he’s a jerk. But it’s my fault and I’m leaving.”

 

“I’ll go with you.” Oh, ever self sacrificing Serena - doesn’t she know this is all her fault?

 

“Actually, I’d prefer it if you didn’t.” Very nice, Humphrey. Very nice.

 

Nate seems to have found his balls in some dark hidden place because her boyfriend finally turns to look at her like he’s standing on higher ground. “Hope you’re happy, Blair."

 

“Not even close.” She's whispering but there's a roar to her words as she runs past both Serena and Nate - and right into the hallway she saw Dan Humphrey disappear to. 

 

Everyone else may be falling for this act - but she has to go make sure.

 

She didn’t shoot her reputation to the ground for Serena to chase after Dan and use her damsel in distress card to reel him back in.

 

She needs to take Dan away from Serena for good.

 

Luckily, Dan’s not that hard to spot. It’s one of the benefits of being the only person sporting a shit coloured jacket in a sea of prim white. “Humphrey!”

 

Dan stops in his tracks, makes a move to start again and then seems to think again and this time he turns around to face her with a more livid expression than she expected to be greeting her. “Yes, Blair?”

 

He says her name like it's a curse. It's kind of nice. She likes knowing they're already enemies on the same side of things. “Do you know then?”

 

“Do I know what?” Under that sad looking navy shirt, Dan's chest is shifting irregularly. How sad, his heart has to cope with the reality that he’s just one more guy in the long long _long_ line of suitors for Serena. Now, she really does pity him.

 

Raised in another universe and perhaps with a title to his name - Dan Humphrey might have been worth Serena.

 

“Normally, I wouldn’t do this without sanitizer around but you look like you've had a rough morning." She places exactly one French manicured nail on his shoulder and taps it up and down.

 

Her efforts are lost though, Dan looks genuinely offended at her attempt to comfort him. “What are you doing?” She shrugs weakly. The jacket feels kind of nice against her skin, it's surprisingly smooth and up close - the colour really is more chocolate than shit. For that matter, Dan Humphrey's eyes are more brown than black too.  “I’m serious Blair.”

 

“I’d prefer it if you called me Ms.Blair -“ It's what Dorota calls her so it seems like an appropriate enough moniker for Dan to use to refer to her. Although - something inside of her is forced to acknowledge that making this Dan Humphrey refer to her by the name her maid uses is messed up. Like she's his boss.

 

What a thought. Dan Humphrey would make a nice little worker ant. 

 

But Dan has a mind of his own. “As much as I understand how you must feel Blair- I’d really like it if you didn’t use me, or the feelings I have for your best friend, to further your own agenda.”

 

She’s stupefied. He really isn’t a complete dolt? “You don’t understand!"

 

“I don’t?” He folds his arms over his chest and appraises her like she's a painting in a gallery, arms legs and mind put up on display for the masses to dissect. "Serena slept with your boyfriend, I went out with her twice - you think by hurting any chance Serena has at happiness with me, you’ve evened the playing field. I’m not asking you to forgive her but what you did to her back there? Publicly embarrassing her? You lost any right to moral superiority.” In her silent stupor, Dan gains the leverage he needs to lift her nail off his shoulder. His fingers feel light over her hand and leaves it by her side with a strangely affectionate tap. “And while you're at it, please stay away from my sister.”

 

She narrows her eyes at him. He doesn't wait for her to say anything else and jogs right out of the Palace like he never intended to stay that long.

 

Always a beat too late, Serena and Nate run out into the hallway. “Blair.”

 

Both their voices echo in her head like a choir and if she thought hearing either of their voices was horrible then both of them together at the same time is torture.

 

“Fuck off.” She scowls, pushing Nate’s hand off her before it can reach her shoulder.

 

Serena runs out after Dan.

 

And as she stares after Serena, Blair wonders idly if it’s not this - then what will it take to convince Dan Humphrey that Serena van der Woodsen isn’t worth his time?


End file.
